'Shared rooms, meals 'light', and none of it counts as work hours': 27-year-old tech employee refuses to go on mandatory team retreat, manager excludes him from work project afterwards

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Oct 17, 2025 9:00 AM EDT
a man shows something to a woman on a tablet while three people chat in the background

Being a team player is not a secret code for accepting exploitative work practices.

Nonetheless, that is exactly how many employers like to treat it. Certain workplaces have a tendency to do egregious things in the name of 'teamwork', and anybody who doesn't want to play along can often face professional consequences. While it is true that somebody who is truly averse to working well in a team can be a hindrance to the success of a company, that doesn't mean that every single thing they come up with to bring people together and boost morale is a good idea. It's a delicate balance.

Over the past few years, the concept of company retreats has become a lot more popular with some businesses looking to encourage their employees to bond and be better at their jobs. They have the potential to do something good, but generally speaking, it is essential for the workplace to assume the costs and organisational responsibilities related to such an enterprise.

 

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    a man sits warming his hands by a small outdoor fire at night
    via Kabiur Rahman Riyad

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • It is inevitable that when a company is stingy in their arrangement of some off-the-clock bonding, there are going to be protesters. Not everyone feels it necessary to do trust exercises with their colleagues, especially when it is on their own dime. 

    In this story, a man working at a tech shop took issue with the business he worked for organizing a weekend ‘retreat’ which required employees to pay for gas and a shared hotel room. He promised to join some workshops on Friday, but declined to take part in the rest of the weekend as he had promised to babysit for his sister the day after.

    Following this, his manager criticized him for missing out, and he was excluded from the new project at work in favor of those who had taken part. The employee wanted to know if he was the issue.

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    AITA for skipping a 'mandatory' weekend retreat that wasn’t paid or reimbursed and now getting iced out of a promo?

    27M, salary 58k at a small tech shop. Two weeks ago manager announced a team retreat, Fri night to Sun, 2 hrs away. Email said travel on our own, shared rooms, meals "light," and none of it counts as work hrs. I asked if we could move to Mon Tue or comp the time. HR replied with a smiley and " we invest in culture. Gas would be ~32, hotel split about 110, and
    via marco_helsinki
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    a number of people gather around a table that has three smartphones on stands on it
    via appshunter.io

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 04
    I had already promised my sister I'd watch her kid Sat morning. I said I'd come for the Fri workshops and remote the rest. Came back Mon and everyone was buzzing about trust falls and a bonfire that smelled like lighter fluid. Manager pulled me aside, said I "missed a chance to show leadership," now the promo
    via marco_helsinki
  • 05
    cycle is focusing on folks who "showed up." I ship my tickets, clients like me, but I dont want unpaid wknds with a random roomate and cold pizza. I pushed back, he said my attitude is the issue. Maybe it is, maybe the policy is. AITA for skipping and still asking why this affects my promo
    via marco_helsinki
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    a man shows something to a woman on a tablet while three people chat in the background
    via Cova Software

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 07
    mtngrl60 Here's the thing, if you can prove that you're getting skipped over for a promo because you skipped this event, you might actually have a legal case. Because if attendance at this event was mandatory in order to be considered for a promo at work, but they didn't wanna pay you for it... In fact, they wanted you to pay for it... That's illegal. Mandatory things for work require mandatory pay. I really hope you're looking for a new job
    via mtngrl60
  • 08
    miss_misery_ NTA but if I were you I'd start polishing up the resume and applying to anything you think might look promising. I just don't see this situation getting any better, they're either gonna find a way to get rid of you or make you so miserable that you quit on your own. So your best bet is to get something else lined up before either of those can happen.
    via miss_misery__
  • 09
    Random_Emolga The irony of "we invest in culture".
    via Random_Emolga
  • 10
    _KittyCherry NTA. If it's unpaid and ofc the clock, it's not mandatory. They're punishing you for having boundaries, not for missing "team bonding."
    via _KittyCherry
  • 11
    Playful_Reason_Carol NTA. It's unpaid overtime disguised as team bonding. You set a boundary and thats not attitude, its self-respect
    via Playful_Reason_Carol
  • 12
    Serious-Echo1241 NTA. I wouldn't have gone either. Employer is full of it. With cost of living nowadays that's a huge ask. Judge me on the work I do in the office.
    via Serious-Echo1241
  • 13
    TheLastWord63 NTA. Mandatory=paid.
    via TheLastWord63
  • 14
    Miserable-Alarm-5963 NTA for not going, you have just found out your company is a bad fit for you. That's cool keep your head down and find another job. I'm sure there are lots of other options open but they will all require more effort than this deserves.
    via Miserable-Alarm-5963

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